How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
