Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
