She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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