That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
