Got a toothbrush?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize