I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have already put on my inside pants.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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