Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
