Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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