what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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