What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
