im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
