if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
