wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
its liver damage thursday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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