I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
