Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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