I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
