I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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