I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
