This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
