i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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