I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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