They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My balls are so social today.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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