Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
