I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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