Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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