I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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