How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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