Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
no, he came in my armpit
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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