Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your cock deserves a montage
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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