I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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