Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
porn star boner night. come get it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We don't watch enough power rangers
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize