dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
