The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
