Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
