remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
