But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
