Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
