I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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