If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
