I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
