She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
