with your own penis?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
