whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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