Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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