Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
