Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
