Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
