oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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