Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
