I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
