Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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