only if we run a train.
done.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
