She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
