He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
time to smoke my breakfast
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
