You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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