idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
