He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
