Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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