so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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