wake up i wanna do it froggy style
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
