Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
