I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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