I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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