So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
