I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize