Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
