Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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