Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
