Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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