My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
