so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was born a porn star she said
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
