So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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