i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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