How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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