dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
