a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
