why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
