allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
this is an emotional support booty call
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think people are normalizing furries
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize