Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
