roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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