He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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