this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
