I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
