i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
