It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
