Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
