i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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