My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
