Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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