He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Farmville is her only friend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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