I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
