I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
