You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize