Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
