Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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