ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
