Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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