Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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