The maid of honor just puked.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize