just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
