Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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